Sadness

Yesterday evening, I happened to notice flashing lights through my front window blinds.  I walked toward the front door and peeked outside.  I had never seen that many police on my quiet neighborhood street.  Four police cars, a fire truck and an ambulance.  No sound...just lights. 

I told the family and we sat on the porch.  I was wondering which one of my neighbors was experiencing this and that is when I saw a paramedic run from my next door neighbors house to his truck and back again.  At that point I knew something tragic was happening.  I wanted to make sure it was safe, but didn't want my neighbor to suffer alone.

Soon I saw my neighbor step outside with her daughter in law.  Her daughter in law was experiencing the type of grief I hope to never see again.  I won't go into details since it is already all over news.  I hugged my neighbor tightly as the ambulance drove away. 

My heart breaks for them today...

Living life and letting go.

I know in previous posts I've talked about my estrangement from my family.  It's a big part of who I am now and shapes alot of things about who I am.  I've always wanted to have friends around me and I've never known how to go about finding them.  In the past few years I've opened myself up to new friendships and I've learned alot about myself in the process. 

My first real, close female friend came to me by chance.  Our lives connected through our husbands but she has become one of my closest friends.  We connect on a basic level of being women, mothers, wives, and in the work force.  I love her and her family.  I miss her when we don't speak or see each other for a while. 

This opened me up to a whole world of friendships that I never thought I could be a part of.  I was invited by an aquaintance to join a neighborhood Wine Wednesday group.  This is a group of mother's in our neighborhood that get together every Wednesday to drink wine and just be women together.  It's a safe place to talk and open up.  It's nice to feel the connection of a sisterhood.  This is a group of women who connect on a level based soley on the fact that want to connect. Some women are married, most have children, some work, some are divorced,  ages vary, beliefs vary but the connection remains. 

Since walking away from the family I knew, the connections I had.  I've come to realize that who you are is based entirely on who you choose to be.  I want to reconnect my life to the people who make me happy, who understand and accept me.  In order to do that I need to be happy, understanding and accepting. 

Maceo

Eight years ago, my youngest child, Maceo was born.  Maceo is an amazing person with a wicked sense of humor. 

When his dad and I met, I had two kids from my previous marriage.  I thought having another child would make my husband realize that he loved my other kids but not in the same way he loved his biological child.  But welcoming Maceo into our family bonded us all in a way that I never expected. 

Maceo is a kid with strong personality and a strong will.  I love him very much.  Thanks for being such a great person.