If you really knew me...

MTV has this show that revolves around Challenge Day at high schools.  I like the general concept of taking down walls and showing that all kids have problems but I'm not thrilled with putting these vulnerable high school kids and their serious issue on TV for entertainment. 


It did get me to thinking about my life.  There are so many things in my life that I'm not sure anyone knows about me.  At least my friends or coworkers.  I wish I could have meaningful conversations with people without the worry of what will they think of me or will their spouses not want to hang out anymore. 

There are people who put out there that their lives are great.  They have the best families, best husbands or wives, a good job, kids who study hard and like school.  I'm not saying that everyone's life should suck, but it gets to the point where if we do have a real problem it's hard to reach out because we feel like we are the only one dealing with life's crap while everyone is dealing in roses. 

If you really knew me you'd know that I deal with depression.  I take medication that has helped but if I have an off day or I have a valid problem and someone says "did you take your medication" it makes me angry. 

If you really knew me you'd know that I am estranged from my family.  I miss them like crazy some days and not at all on others.  It makes everything hard.  Holidays, birthday's, seasons, memories.  I can't go back, I wouldn't even if I could, but I just wish I had someone to talk to who would understand my pain.

If you really knew me...maybe I would really know myself.