Rediscovering

I wrote the last post a day or so ago, but didn't have the pictures to post until now.  I loved the title of the post but realized that I had so much more to say about uncovering the past.  There is so much from my past that I've wanted to deal with over the years.  Most of the issues I have with my family I think about on a daily basis but I am very happy with the life I have now and I'm not sure I want to revisit that part of who I am other than on a daily reflection.

Part of uncovering the past is realizing that some things are better left alone, as disturbing things won't bring happiness.  I'm finally in a place where I feel confident in myself as a mother, as a wife, even as an employee.  I'm not as confident in myself as an individual. 

Taking down the walls of who I am is easy when you see that I am a mother, a wife, a worker but underneath all of that who am I as an individual?  I've been someone's mother for 15 years, someone's wife for 12 years and I've been someone's employee for 16 years.

Obviously who I was as a mother has changed over the years.  I've grown more confident as time has gone by, having more children, and realizing that expectations change as they grow into individuals.  When it comes right down to it I don't want my children to have the best grades, the best clothes, the most friends.  I simply want them to be happy with the lives they lead and the choices they make.  Learning to make good choices leads to a good life.  But since not everyone makes good choices all the time it's coming to terms with that and making the best choices you can.

Who I am as a wife has changed as well.  When I got married the first time, I was young and naive.  I don't blame much on the young part...more the naive part.  I made a lot of bad choices and allowed myself to be in a position I didn't want to be in.  When the time came that I finally grew up enough to make a change and make a choice, I did.  That brought me to the life I have now with my current (and last) husband.  I'm not a perfect wife, maybe not even a good wife, but my husband loves me in spite of all my crazy imperfections.  That's good, because there are a lot of those to go around. 

The person I am at work was always someone I felt like I was pretending to be.  I used to look at professional people and think that I was not as qualified as them.  I always felt like someone let me into the corporate world, not realizing that I didn't belong here.  I think that all adults feel that way at some point but they all pretend...  Fake it till you make it.  That is something they should teach in high school.

Underneath all of that is this girl.  She's still trying to discover who she is...